Watch With Me

First Inning:

Just as I sit down in front of the TV with my meatloaf, tater tots, and cola I think to myself, “These 5:30 start times always kill the A’s. I think briefly about game five of the 2000 ALDS when T-Long lost a fly ball in the sun and cost Oakland the game in the first inning. Boom. Home run Jeter on the first pitch of the game. Here we go again. This happens every time they make us play at 5:30. It’s bullshit. This never happens to the east coast teams. We have to take this shit just so the game can fit into ESPN’s schedule. Fuck ESPN. TV shouldn’t have this kind of impact on the games. Neither should the Raiders. I hate Al Davis and the way his extra seats fuck up my outfield. End of the first, 1-0 Yanks.

Second Inning:

Yer fucking kidding me. I hate Mark Bellhorn, he just hit a dinger. Fly ball…can we get some love from the wind? No, damn! But I’ll take that error by Sheff for two bases. I like Jay Payton. I was against that trade, I loved Byrnsie. Last week Payton ran in from center field and got a force out at second base. Payton comes through with the RBI and it’s 2-1 Yanks. Oh Bullshit! This ump sucks, that was not a strike to Johnson. Fuck! Well He should have swung to protect the runner anyway. End of the second 2-1 Yanks.


Third inning:

This ump really does suck, that was strike to Sheff, now he’s on first. I hate Giambi. I hate watching Chavez take fastballs. I hate it even more when he tries to pull pitches on the outside corner. Great, end of the inning, 4-1 Yanks.

Fourth Inning:

I need more meatloaf. Damn, a double by Jeter leading off. This is trouble. Jeter’s going to hit for the cycle. And there goes Jeter stealing third. And a triple for Matsui. I’m switching over to Entourage if this keeps up. Base hit for Sheff, 5-1. This game is over. Zito’s out after 3.1 innings and in come Yabu. Zito was up in the zone with everything tonight. (I’m at a point in my life where beer commercials actually make want to buy beer.) This is what it’s like to be an A’s fan. I’m almost numb to it now. I feel like a pro, never getting too high, never getting too low. Knowing that heartbreak is just around the bend if I let myself get caught up in hoping. Scott Hattberg’s weak grounder to lead off the inning is a metaphor for the A’s in this century. At first, when you can’t really grasp the angle, it looks like it might get through, but then it doesn’t. Every time you’re ready to believe in Oakland, they lose a crucial series to the Yanks or Angels. As I wrote the last sentence Johnson hit into a double play. Typical. End of the fourth 6-1 Yanks.

Fifth Inning:
Finally we keep ‘em off the board. I hate how much cheering there is when the Yanks do something good. Why can’t we own our own park? Ha! A-rod just fell over trying to catch a pop-up; finally something to cheer about. One out, two outs, Scoooooooooooooooooooooooot! Scoot was a good story last year, he’s a good story this year. He is the second coming of Frank Menechino. He’s that guy who’s not going to start on his own merits, but you want him there when the main guy goes down. He’s that gritty little Eckstein type, but not quite as good. (Which reminds me, why doesn’t Jamie Carroll get more time for the Nats?) End of the fifth, 6-2 Yanks.


Sixth inning:

Great, slow point in the game and now they start to recap the A’s futility against the Yanks in the playoffs. Of course this means they’re showing “The Jeter Play” again. They already showed it at the top of the show, but like the Varitek-A-rod fight they’ll show it every time these two play on ESPN. Well, Yabu is holding them down, but if the A’s are going to do anything they better do it soon, before Gordon and Rivera come into play. Beagle’s are cute. I like watching the hometown fans. They seem so zany and fun on TV. A walk with no outs and the crowd is alive. They think we can get something going here. Then Chavy pops out. A hittie for Hattie and there are two on for Payton. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!! FOUL! Damn, there I go hoping again. Can John Miller stop saying people are “a former Red Sox.” It looks better in print, say it out loud. See how stupid that sounds? I know it’s spelled with an ‘x’ but how can some one be a plural thing? It sounds like shit. John Miller is an idiot. Giambi is a former Athletics. Well for all that Oakland gets zilch. End of the sixths, 6-2 Yanks.

Seventh Inning:

I love rum. Rummy rum rum. A robot can make you a car, a bike, and a microchip; but none of these things can make you a robot. Wow, so this is why people think baseball is boring. Running down the A’s injuries just for fun: Kotsay, Crosby, Harden (best pitcher the last two years). Speaking of Harden, why didn’t the A’s start him on the next to last day of the year in ’04? Kendel’s up. He has the most at bats without a home run out of all players in MLB this year. It’s been like 50 years since someone had 500+ at bats and no homers in a season. Sigh.

Eighth Inning:

It’s fitting that MLB is kicking off its hurricane relief on Roberto Clemente day. Clemente died flying relief supplies to Nicaragua after an earthquake. I’ve never liked Joe Morgan. He’s saying that whoever plays against the Wild Card team should get four out of five home games in the first round. That’s idiotic. His logic is that the division winners have earned it (fine), that in the NFL Wild Card teams play all they’re games on the road (not true, depending on who else wins/ loses the WC in the NFL may host the conference championship game), and that this would be the only way to “crown a true champion.” (BTW Witasick just loaded the bases.) The thing is that if the division champ is so much better than the WC team, why do they need the edge? If you need an artificial edge like double home field advantage are you a true champion? If you’re the true champion shouldn’t you be able to beat everyone? If you lose, you lose. Stop whining. Back to the game…We’re going to lose this one, just hit Bellhorn in the face. He walked him. If yer gonna walk him anyway you might as well hit him in the face.

Great, it takes Chavy getting fooled before he’ll take one the other way. Hattie, fielder’s choice and the A’s get one more. That’s all they’ll get. End of the eighth, 7-3 Yanks.

Ninth Inning:

Huston Street is good. Non-save situation, Rivera’s in anyway. Game over. I think the phrase “He fisted him” should be banned from baseball broadcasts. That’s it, end of the game, 7-3 Yanks. Good night folks.